Love? isnt it suppose to be special? Karma? i dont know.

Well , knowing myself that im a emo bitach now. Had my anxiety attack for the second time now , and my gf is not happy about it because i couldnt control my mind set and etc. I honestly didnt want it to happend to me but maybe im just weak in my mind .. sighs .. does this happend often to everyone ? or maybe issit to me ? karma ? maybe god is trying to be fair from what i did many years ago ? or maybe its just who i am ? but isnt life suppose to be fair ? why when someone doesnt want to be with you .. they just act like they do .. ? and they just slowing keep the distance away from you ? why issit so hard for you to tell someone straight to the face ? why do you have to twist and turn it ? yeah i know , family plays a very very important role in your life .. but not everyone has a good morning every single days .. maybe some does .. but no matter what u will get a bad morning with not enough sleep and being stressed out. why cant you just understand ? im trying my very best .. why is this happening ? you lied to me big time right infront of my face big time .. but in the end u twist it and turn to me and say its my fault ? why cant everything be all good and smooth .. then everyone will be happy about everything in life .. why does this issue have to involve other people ? why cant u handle it yourself ? since your so tough ? i just simply dont understand .. whats going on .. why is this all happening ? why cant you forgive me like how i did . everything to you its a small thing .. nothing is big .. unless its about me .. then u will make it vvery extreme .. guess ill just have to move on .. theres nothing much i could do about it .. i tried my very very best to make you feel as comfortable as i can. guess your not comfortable at all .. and you can just judge me in just 1 night ? what the hell ? whats all that bull.s ? sighs its just so depressing .. when you dont have your family and buddies around you to help you out when you need them .. why am i being treated this way ? what have i done wrong to everyone ? i just cant figure it out .. what did i do to deserve this ? sighs .. i guess i should stop moaning and forget about it and move on in life .. sometimes theres a limit where everyone has .. guess mine is there already .. i just need to move on and find my own happiness somewhere else .. which could be melbourne ? sydney or london ? but im gona have difficulty travelling due to my luggages .. wait .. i still dont understand .. yes i know ure family is very important .. but have you think about mine ? why are you being so selfish ? why ? so is this all about you and yourself ? it sounded really selfish .. i just didnt wana say it out .. because things might get worse .. you just dont have any idea how afraid am i to talk to you or tell u things .. im quite afraid to share stuff with you these days .. its just so hard .. i dont understand why cant you and me be honest to each other .. as i caught u lieing to me once .. and trust me .. its bad enough .. and i know there's more .. sighs. well guys .. to whoever whos reading my blog .. please leave a comment or give me suggestions on how am i gona go thru all this mess . please people .. help me! :'(